Ah well this is the second part of my story. Enjoy.
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The arrow flew straight and true, it entered the running mans neck throwing him to the ground killing him. A short man emerged from behind a large boulder and walked over to the body. In one hand he held an ornate bow that had once been expensive but was now worn with age and use.
The man scratched at his red beard that was streaked with white. Removing an arrow from the quiver at his side he put it to the bow, pulled the string back and released it. It made a dull thud and is entered the mans back.
“Bloody bandits.” He muttered as he knelt down and withdrew his arrows.
Quickly and deftly he patted the man down removing a small money pouch and a dagger hidden in a boot. It wasn’t much but he would be able to sell it in the market tomorrow.
“Bastard nicked me.” Turning Voran watched as a tall man with long blonde hair walked towards him.
In his hand he held a bloody longsword. He would be classed as handsome unlike Voran who was short with muscle that was slowly turning to fat.
“Well that’s your fault for not noticing him.” Voran stood and placed the arrows back in the quiver. “What did the other one have on him?”
“Three silvers and a couple of coppers.” He held out his arm and some linen so that Voran could bind the wound.
“Bandits are getting rarer these days. Might have to go back to being mercenaries, Reseric.”
“Sod that. Last time I almost died.” He grimaced as Voran tightened the linen bandage. “Much prefer hunting these bandits.”
“Yeah, well let’s head into town and collect our rewards.”
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Voran and Reseric stood at the Guard Captains desk in the small cramped office. The captain’s face was flushed as he scrawled his signature on half a dozen pieces of paper and handed them to his assistant who left quickly. This barely made a dent on the pile of papers to his left; the desk was a mess of ledgers and stray pieces of paper.
“I am sorry Voran, but the count told us to stop paying you.” Leaning back in his chair the captain sighed. “I can perhaps give you three silvers for each of the bandits you killed.”
“I understand Ark, but we need a little more than that.” Voran pleaded.
“I can’t do anything better.” Ark pulled a fresh piece of paper to him and scribbled out a small note. “Take this to The Broken Shield, the innkeeper is my brother. He’ll give you a meal and something to drink.”
Voran took the note thanked him and left the room with Reseric in tow. Outside the assistants gave them six silver coins and smiled sadly.
“It’s hardships for everyone at the moment.” Voran grunted and walked out of the building. Looking at paper in his hand he snorted and threw it into the gutter.
“Want to go north?” He asked Reseric suddenly. Reseric was taken aback by the question.
“What up to Losnah?”
“No farther.” Voran looked about the street, it was almost empty. Three months ago it had been full of happy shoppers.
“Over the mountains?” Reseric’s eyes were close to leaving his skull.
“You always said you wanted to go over them.” Voran grinned manically. “Might get to have some fun!”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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WHOA....
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Your language is very, VERY stilted. Cut out some unneeded details, like the description of the bow.
The arrow flew straight and true, it entered the running mans neck throwing him to the ground killing him. A short man emerged from behind a large boulder and walked over to the body. In one hand he held an ornate bow that had once been expensive but was now worn with age and use.
This just doesn't grab me. Cut to the chase. "The arrow shot through the theif before he knew what hit him...."
The man scratched at his red beard that was streaked with white. Removing an arrow from the quiver at his side he put it to the bow, pulled the string back and released it. It made a dull thud and is entered the mans back.
I don't get this. Why is he shooting a dead guy? He would just waste his arrow. Now, if he came up armed with a sword to check the guy, that would make more sense.
“Want to go north?” He asked Reseric suddenly. Reseric was taken aback by the question.
“What up to Losnah?”
“No farther.” Voran looked about the street, it was almost empty. Three months ago it had been full of happy shoppers.
“Over the mountains?” Reseric’s eyes were close to leaving his skull.
“You always said you wanted to go over them.” Voran grinned manically. “Might get to have some fun!”
Interesting. Love the spur of the moment descision, but the stuff before it happens too quickly to hit us.
You can introduce the names better. Just the Captain talking to Voran would suffice, just have his red beard tremble with anger or something to know who is being spoken to.
Overall, very, very interesting. The beginning was kind of slow, but you fixed that as you went along. Keep writing. Throw me a PM if you need anything